Stupid boy street
When Ed and I bought our house about a year ago one of the biggest appeals in terms of the location was the street and who lived in it. Our street appeared to be something out of a corny movie, happy friendly couples and families, cute little kids playing footie and cricket in the street, fat cats lazing in the sun. There was talk of street parties, everyone knowing each other and being neighbourly.
Now I am an old nanna facist home owner type this sounded right up my street so to speak. In the old days when I was a renter I couldn't have given a bugger about my neighbours. In fact the less I knew them meant less embarassment when I stayed up til all hours boozing and smoking and singing in the garden or having wild parties. Well now it seems karma has come to bite me on the arse.
First the lovely couple next door who own their house announced that they were moving to the US for a year and taking their 3 little kids with them. Ed and I watched a whole lot of wannbe tennants traipse through their property - couples, older families etc.We were quite excited, maybe some nice couple with a baby would move in and we could all be mates. Then the winners of the rental contract arrived - one boy aged about 22 wanders up the laneway we share carrying a box...we introduce ourselves, and he introduces his girlfriend. "oh, so you two are moving in then' we say. "Oh nah" says the boy, "it's me and 3 of my mates from Uni. We've never lived in the city before..it's gunna be unrool." So the boys move in, first night the stereo is cranked up, ciggie smoke is wafting over the fence and the sound of beers being cracked can be heard. I also hear "it's unrool living here and the bottle-o is just up the road, wahey!." Right - so the James Street beer garden opens for business.
Two weeks later the house on the other side is sporting a large for lease sign. Ed and I make nervous jokes, do we smell? Why is everyone moving away from us? We also joke that another houseful of boys could move in..surely not I say citing the so called rental crisis and talking about how even though it's not fair no landlord in their right mind is going to let a group of stupid boys move into their property over a nice sensible older couple. Then the other night Ed comes in the door with the news he has just met the new neighbours, no nice couples for us, suprise suprise it's two boys in their 20's with another on his way. 'unrool'.
To my utter disbelief I then discover that the house 2 doors up from ours ALSO has a large for lease sign hanging from the fence. Ed and I really should be getting paranoid by now, there is some kind of mass exodus occuring in my lovely street - why? Peeping out the window like some old neighbourhood gossip the other day I spy a chubby guy in his early twenties jump out of a white van, arse half hanging out of his jeans with two stupid looking mates in baseball caps who spark up ciggies and immediately head for the house with the for lease sign. You guessed it "this place looks unrool" says one of them - "let's put in an offer".
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MY STREET? To my eyes it doesn't scream party central for stupid 20 something boys. Nor do the houses, they are all girly prissy looking pretty victorian cottages with roses growing around the front door. Not the kind of modern townhouses or sleek apartments I thought that any bachelor boy in his right mind would like.......I am very, very confused and can only pray that they don't all the stupid byos don't discover each other, make friends and party on together. Or do they already know each other? Has word gone out on the stupid hetero 20 something boy grapevine that my street is where it's all happening?
But I will bide my time and stay calm because shortly revenge will be mine. They may have pumping stereos, slabs of cold beers, ciggies to puff on, wild parties to hold and giggling girls over to visit but can they deal with the terrifying force of nature that is an inconsolable baby screaming it's head off at 3am? I don't think so. 3 years of boozing it up in the union bar at uni won't have prepared them for that one. "Unrool" I say to myself -as I suspect those For Lease signs might be going back up pretty bloody quickly when the true evil of the baby Browne is unleashed and then Ed and I will have this side of the street to ourselves.
Now I am an old nanna facist home owner type this sounded right up my street so to speak. In the old days when I was a renter I couldn't have given a bugger about my neighbours. In fact the less I knew them meant less embarassment when I stayed up til all hours boozing and smoking and singing in the garden or having wild parties. Well now it seems karma has come to bite me on the arse.
First the lovely couple next door who own their house announced that they were moving to the US for a year and taking their 3 little kids with them. Ed and I watched a whole lot of wannbe tennants traipse through their property - couples, older families etc.We were quite excited, maybe some nice couple with a baby would move in and we could all be mates. Then the winners of the rental contract arrived - one boy aged about 22 wanders up the laneway we share carrying a box...we introduce ourselves, and he introduces his girlfriend. "oh, so you two are moving in then' we say. "Oh nah" says the boy, "it's me and 3 of my mates from Uni. We've never lived in the city before..it's gunna be unrool." So the boys move in, first night the stereo is cranked up, ciggie smoke is wafting over the fence and the sound of beers being cracked can be heard. I also hear "it's unrool living here and the bottle-o is just up the road, wahey!." Right - so the James Street beer garden opens for business.
Two weeks later the house on the other side is sporting a large for lease sign. Ed and I make nervous jokes, do we smell? Why is everyone moving away from us? We also joke that another houseful of boys could move in..surely not I say citing the so called rental crisis and talking about how even though it's not fair no landlord in their right mind is going to let a group of stupid boys move into their property over a nice sensible older couple. Then the other night Ed comes in the door with the news he has just met the new neighbours, no nice couples for us, suprise suprise it's two boys in their 20's with another on his way. 'unrool'.
To my utter disbelief I then discover that the house 2 doors up from ours ALSO has a large for lease sign hanging from the fence. Ed and I really should be getting paranoid by now, there is some kind of mass exodus occuring in my lovely street - why? Peeping out the window like some old neighbourhood gossip the other day I spy a chubby guy in his early twenties jump out of a white van, arse half hanging out of his jeans with two stupid looking mates in baseball caps who spark up ciggies and immediately head for the house with the for lease sign. You guessed it "this place looks unrool" says one of them - "let's put in an offer".
WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH MY STREET? To my eyes it doesn't scream party central for stupid 20 something boys. Nor do the houses, they are all girly prissy looking pretty victorian cottages with roses growing around the front door. Not the kind of modern townhouses or sleek apartments I thought that any bachelor boy in his right mind would like.......I am very, very confused and can only pray that they don't all the stupid byos don't discover each other, make friends and party on together. Or do they already know each other? Has word gone out on the stupid hetero 20 something boy grapevine that my street is where it's all happening?
But I will bide my time and stay calm because shortly revenge will be mine. They may have pumping stereos, slabs of cold beers, ciggies to puff on, wild parties to hold and giggling girls over to visit but can they deal with the terrifying force of nature that is an inconsolable baby screaming it's head off at 3am? I don't think so. 3 years of boozing it up in the union bar at uni won't have prepared them for that one. "Unrool" I say to myself -as I suspect those For Lease signs might be going back up pretty bloody quickly when the true evil of the baby Browne is unleashed and then Ed and I will have this side of the street to ourselves.
posted by Kate Browne at 8:45 PM
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