My life as a fake
It's been a life of smoke and mirrors for me of late. Firstly - more wedding dress nonsense. The whole wedding dress adventure is a bit like being given a massive crate of chocolate. Exciting at first, fun to dive into and devour. Then it gets a bit sickly, a bit cloying, a bit too sweet. By the end - just the idea of it makes you want to throw up. By my third visit to the wedding dress place I'd had it, don't think I will be able to look at white dress ever again for the rest of my life. So ends my fake bride life.
Fake life number two came up quickly when I was cast to be a central character in a tv commerical on Weds as one half of a married couple. All sounded good until my "husband" in the tv ad turned out to be a very (lovely) diminutive man in his late 40's. Hmmm...I really must start dealing with the fact I'm getting on, what was I expecting? Some spunky boy with pecs a rippling? Anyway me and my "husband" were set up at a table in a restaurant and had to repeatedly pretend to chow down on cold chips, stale bread and, in my case, a cold slimy salmon steak sprayed with hair laquer for added shiny-ness. (Did I mention I'm vegetarian?). We also had to act in slow motion for some technical reason, so we had to smile slowly and clink glasses like a pair of simpletons, again and again for hours. The fakeness continued with the glasses of red wine that we were drinking - made out of flat coca cola and grenadine. In fact so much grenadine was used it turned our tounges and mouths hot pink and I felt like I was going into sugar shock. Fate intervened after a break when an over zealous crew member cleared up our table and threw out our fake food and wine before the director had finished shooting. Two glasses of real wine arrived and funnily enough me and my husband had no trouble acting like simpletons take after take as long as the glasses kept getting refilled.
I even got to have a fake holiday on the weekend. Another ad, this time set on an aeroplane. So it was off to the Qantas flight simulator where they train cabin crew. Me and a bunch of other people played passengers and a few lucky extras even got to be flight attendants (amazing how quickly the hosties took to their roles bossing us passengers about). It was quite funny how people reacted when we stepped into the "plane", which is incredibly realistic. I immediately got all excited like I thought I was going somewhere, the girl next to me started flicking through the duty free magazine and pointing out all the perfumes and bottles of booze she would like to buy. Two people behind me immediately fell asleep, one was actually snoring, even though we were working and it was the middle of the day. I bet they are the types that always fall asleep when they travel anywhere. The weirdest part was getting off the "plane", I felt quite disappointed that we weren't anywhere different.
My fake life is going to continue in a few weeks. I'm shooting another ad soon where I will be a mother in a playground, playing with a couple of fake kids. My real life mother will be thrilled, as I guess this will make her a fake grandmother for a day.
Fake life number two came up quickly when I was cast to be a central character in a tv commerical on Weds as one half of a married couple. All sounded good until my "husband" in the tv ad turned out to be a very (lovely) diminutive man in his late 40's. Hmmm...I really must start dealing with the fact I'm getting on, what was I expecting? Some spunky boy with pecs a rippling? Anyway me and my "husband" were set up at a table in a restaurant and had to repeatedly pretend to chow down on cold chips, stale bread and, in my case, a cold slimy salmon steak sprayed with hair laquer for added shiny-ness. (Did I mention I'm vegetarian?). We also had to act in slow motion for some technical reason, so we had to smile slowly and clink glasses like a pair of simpletons, again and again for hours. The fakeness continued with the glasses of red wine that we were drinking - made out of flat coca cola and grenadine. In fact so much grenadine was used it turned our tounges and mouths hot pink and I felt like I was going into sugar shock. Fate intervened after a break when an over zealous crew member cleared up our table and threw out our fake food and wine before the director had finished shooting. Two glasses of real wine arrived and funnily enough me and my husband had no trouble acting like simpletons take after take as long as the glasses kept getting refilled.
I even got to have a fake holiday on the weekend. Another ad, this time set on an aeroplane. So it was off to the Qantas flight simulator where they train cabin crew. Me and a bunch of other people played passengers and a few lucky extras even got to be flight attendants (amazing how quickly the hosties took to their roles bossing us passengers about). It was quite funny how people reacted when we stepped into the "plane", which is incredibly realistic. I immediately got all excited like I thought I was going somewhere, the girl next to me started flicking through the duty free magazine and pointing out all the perfumes and bottles of booze she would like to buy. Two people behind me immediately fell asleep, one was actually snoring, even though we were working and it was the middle of the day. I bet they are the types that always fall asleep when they travel anywhere. The weirdest part was getting off the "plane", I felt quite disappointed that we weren't anywhere different.
My fake life is going to continue in a few weeks. I'm shooting another ad soon where I will be a mother in a playground, playing with a couple of fake kids. My real life mother will be thrilled, as I guess this will make her a fake grandmother for a day.
posted by Kate Browne at 12:51 AM
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