You know you live with a toddler when....

You sit down at the computer and there is a potato balanced on the keyboard.

Sultanas form a trail up and down the hall

The tv is stuck permanently on teletubbies

You have snot all over your top - and it's not yours

Stuffed toys whir in the clothes dryer because someone has insisted on taking them into the bath

You know all the words to the opening sequence of Postman Pat, Miffy, Teletubbies, In the Night Garden and Seasame Street and you find yourself singing them loudly to yourself in the office.

When you walk down the street pushing a stroller and sounding like a lunatic talking to themselves as you are shouting "ah ah ah - stop rubbing cheese in your hair" and "good girl! Put on your hat! Put on your hat! Oh okay....don't throw it on the ground then."

A chorus line of teddy bears stare up at you from your (formerly) stylish and immaculate loungeroom.

By 5pm you are more than ready for a lie down on the couch with the first of many glasses of wine.