When I first got up the duff I read reams of material about how pregnant women suddenly become public property and how I should ready myself for such a time once my own bump made itself obvious.
I'm quite foolish really as by public property I had assumed that everyone would want to touch me..something I'd heard about and didn't really mind happening - it's generally well meaning and rather nice. What I hadn't counted on in terms of being public property was the sheer, unbelivable amount of comments delivered to me in tones that one would think would be soley reserved for the coming of the next plague.
Well meaning folk seem to think that all of us pregnant people have absolutely NO idea what we've got outselves into now we are having a kiddie and that it's their unhappy duty to set us straight. The comments come thick and fast from all corners, I've lost tally of all of them but if I was to amalgamate all the predictions that have been delivered in my general direction, in less than a couple of months I will be something like this - apparently permanently: A sleepless, mindless, careerless, sexless blob covered in vomit, financially destitute, frustrated, incapable of reading, enjoying music, holding a conversation, holding a job, I will be bereft of ambition, unable to travel ever again or in fact even have the ability to leave the house, not that the house will be habitable as apparently everything in it will be systematically destroyed or will have to be removed cause it's too dangerous - how lovely. And apparently dear readers even this blog will become a casualty of the monster baby. Yes one relative informed me in doom laden tones
"you probably won't have time to blog anymore" oh no really? The horror!
Generally the doomsdayers like to start their prediction with a smug "you DO KNOW that......fill in blank with "never sleep again", "never travel again" "never read a book again" etc etc. In return I feel like saying "OH MY GOD - REALLY? Oh f**k, I thought having a baby would be really easy, just like having a kitten but more human shaped. Now you've told me the truth I'd better get Angelina Jolies phone number and arrange an adoption quick smart". Instead I'm well mannered, I laugh and shake my head and say something lame like "oh yes, I've heard it won't be easy, ha ha ha" But with just 8 weeks to go my patience is wearing thin.
I know it's well meaning and I'm sure that all of these predictions probably will come true at some stage for some of the time, but what I object to is this assumption that I am a complete idiot that needs to be told the truth before I think I can pop my baby into my handbag like one of Paris Hiltons Chihuahuas and head off without a care in the world. The thing that is even more infuriating is that many of these comments are delivered by people that A: don't have kids or B: had their kids about 100 years ago. While sometimes it's funny, it can also be stressful and at times downright cruel: a pregnant friend at work was in tears the other day after one too many of these kind of comments...normally she's a bright, confident, intellectual 36 year old who will probably make a fabulous parent but now she's doubting what she's got herself in for and wracked with anxiety thanks to all the well meaning doomsdayers.
For me, salvation arrived today in the form of an email from a friend who actually has a small baby girl right now. I hadn't mentioned this barage from other people but her comments about her own thoughts on parenthood were so refreshing. "I just love her to bits..... It's the most rewarding experience Katey...hard work but can't really put it into words how much fun it is. You'll know what I mean once the little one pops her head into this world. It really is the most special time of your life." Now this is from a woman who is in the thick of it, she probably IS sleepless and covered in vomit but she still managed to take the time to say something positive. It just amazes me how few other people feel they can do that. So in light of that, I know who I'll be taking my cues from in the future.