Amazing new weight loss scheme

Want to lose 11 kilos and drop 2 dress sizes in less than 12 days all while eating Tim Tams, bread, butter, muffins, copious amounts of creamy pasta and cheese? Have a baby! Not only will the baby ensure a large weight loss almost overnight giving you a much needed boost of encouragement but the subsequent days of constantly breastfeeding and walking kilometres each day pushing a stroller with an unsettled baby will shear off those pesky last kilos before you know it. Incredible results! I should really release a diet book.

So - I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight alreadyand looking quite good apart from a slightly floppy pot belly. Shame I'm usually too sleep deprived and covered in baby vomit* to really make the most of it, my only audience is Chloe, Ed and Ivy who if the truth be known is really only interested in my bosoms.

*Actually that's a bit rich, Ivy's a good girl and has only vomited on me once so far. Not bad I say - though her single effort was pretty good, all through my hair and over several pieces of clothing and down into my cleavage, all at the sociable hour of 3am - go Ivy!