Tuesday, September 16, 2008

You know you live with a toddler when....

You sit down at the computer and there is a potato balanced on the keyboard.

Sultanas form a trail up and down the hall

The tv is stuck permanently on teletubbies

You have snot all over your top - and it's not yours

Stuffed toys whir in the clothes dryer because someone has insisted on taking them into the bath

You know all the words to the opening sequence of Postman Pat, Miffy, Teletubbies, In the Night Garden and Seasame Street and you find yourself singing them loudly to yourself in the office.

When you walk down the street pushing a stroller and sounding like a lunatic talking to themselves as you are shouting "ah ah ah - stop rubbing cheese in your hair" and "good girl! Put on your hat! Put on your hat! Oh okay....don't throw it on the ground then."

A chorus line of teddy bears stare up at you from your (formerly) stylish and immaculate loungeroom.

By 5pm you are more than ready for a lie down on the couch with the first of many glasses of wine.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008


I went for a walk at lunch the other day with a friend in a pair of most unsuitable pointy high heeled boots. After half an hour of walking I could no longer stand the pain, wrenched them off and walked back to the office in my socks.

Back at my desk a closer, sockless inspection revealed three massive blister bubbles on my toes. Too painful to even wear socks I had to carry on the rest of my working day barefoot.

I trotted back and forth to the printer, perched on someones desk to discuss a problem, made a cup of tea in the tearoom and even attended a meeting yet no-one seemed to notice my shoeless state. Or did they??? Perhaps they were just being incredibly polite. Or are just so socially maladjusted and shy that they couldn't find it in themselves to say anything or even just have a laugh.

Then again maybe they really just didn't care. Afterall our photographer was cruising around the office last week after injuring his leg on an office chair, then in a wheelchair and then finally in a wheelchair minus his pants (but thank god still with his boxers on) yet no-one batted an eyelid.

Incredibly cool office or incredibly socially repressed?

I can't decide.