While I am not feeling the sharpest at 34 weeks up-the-duff it seems pregnancy makes plenty of people around me stupid. I've heard some crackers in the stupid comment stakes of late - and if I wasn't so slow on my feet I'd be getting a little violent with some of these people.
For example:
"You're huge!"
*Well in about 4 weeks a human baby is going to come about of my body - it should weigh about 3.4 kilos or so, so what the f**k do you expect?...that I have a tiny little pot belly and give birth to a kitten or a little mouse? Now that would be worth sounding surprised over.
(a few hours later from someone else)
"you're tiny!"
*I'm not, the fact I haven't been able to do my pants up for a couple of months now would clearly indicate there's something sizeable in there that's going to be coming out soon.
"Is this your first child?"
Asked to me as I stand holding the hand of my 3 year old.
*Yeah - that's right, my first child. In fact I'm only 14 not a year off 40 and this 3 year old is actually my little sister.
"Ooooh you won't know what's hit you when the baby arrives!"
Told to me by someone who knows full well I am the mother of a 3 year old.
* Yes bringing up my first child was a cinch - in fact she brought herself up while I lay in bed eating chocolates and having sleep-ins til midday. I'm obviously clueless about what it's like to look after a newborn and I'm going to be in for a shock, thanks for letting me know.
In response to me saying I can't wait for the baby to be born
"oooooh no, savour your pregnancy, enjoy it. Remember they're much easier in than out"
* really? Is that right? So despite throwing up every day now for 8 months, despite having massive headaches, anaemia, a hernia, constant indigestion and feeling every morning like I have had a bucket of vodka for dinner and have a monster hangover, that's something to 'savour' because once the baby is out it might cry and wake me up at night. Yep I'll just get back to savouring another bout of vomiting right now and brace myself for the horror of those few months of broken sleep.
Upon seeing or hearing about my cat
"oooh you'll have to watch her when the baby comes - she might smother it"
* Please see above notes regarding my still alive, non smothered 3 year old who grew up with my lovely cat.
Upon hearing that I've been told that I need to have a Caesarian this time by my obstetrician as I have about a 2 percent chance of delivering naturally this time around.
"But why?? Are you too scared to have a natural labour"
"Oh you're obstetrician shouldn't have told you the odds - cause now you won't 'try' to have a natural labour'''
* Yeah dickhead, I would much prefer to have a tube put in my spinal column and be sliced open on the operating theatre and then spend weeks in pain and off my nut on painkillers and not be able to sit up or cuddle my baby or feed them properly - all by choice. And thanks, I already had a natural labour last time, a natural labour that lasted about 18 hours, went extremely pear shaped and resulted in me being carted off to an operating theatre and sliced open anyway. And yeah you are so right I think that Doctors should always lie to their patients about their odds in regards to anything in order to make them 'try'....that's just what you want from the medical community and of course why would I listen to the medical advice of a Doctor over a so called 'friend'? I must be crazy.
Anyway I'll stop now. No-one wants to see an angry pregnant woman. I should be glowing and smiling and maternal and cooing over tiny socks or something. But really now I'd better go but thanks little blog - I do FEEL so much better. It's good to vent - afterall it's much better to have it out than in (except when we're talking babies apparently...)
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